GlossyVeneer

The recent issue of Real Simple magazine had several articles that featured low/no-cost ways to improve your life, from the kitchen to your makeup routine to your wardrobe. The wardrobe article in particular gave me many things to think about.

The article focused on three women and gave them some key pointers to make their wardrobes easier to manage and tips on how to switch what they already own to make brand new outfits. Solutions that every woman can use in their lives.

Unless that woman is me.

The first woman was told to sort through her closet, determining what should stay or go by asking herself three question about each piece. “Do you love it? Is it flattering? Is it you?” If an article of clothing failed even one of those questions, it has to go.

None of my clothes fit right, many items bought out of desperation to not be naked and I just don’t know what is “me” in terms of fashion. And if that’s the criteria I’m judging on, then my wardrobe would be pared down to one pair of jeans. That includes every shirt and all my underwear. And if I ventured out in public like that, I would probably be arrested.

The second woman was told to sort her closet based on type of apparel (jackets with jackets, shirts with shirts, etc.) and then to sort by color amongst those groupings. This was so she could easily see what she owned and put together new outfits quickly.

You mean, everybody doesn’t sort their closet based on clothing types? Huh? How would you function?

The third woman had a wardrobe so large it spanned three separate closets in her home. She had multiples of the same piece and was encouraged to not have multiples of things that she doesn’t use often. This unearths your unique pieces so they are readily accessible.

So if I throw away the 6 t-shirts that are all from Express, somehow I will magically find trendy, flattering and cute clothing behind them? Or does that only work for this woman who has a sister that works in the fashion industry and gives her freebies?

I hear a lot of my friends that are stay-at-home moms lament the fact that their wardrobe has gone downhill since they started spending most of their time in the confines of their home. Well, since I’ve started telecommuting my wardrobe has suffered the same demise. I have delusions that I will dress smart and stylish, but the second I put on something that even remotely fits that classification I immediately feel overdressed. If I step out in public people always ask, “Why are you all dressed up?”

I don’t think there is a way to win this frumpiness battle.