GlossyVeneer

Posted by Jill on September 22nd, 2004 in Just Life

Last week my best friend was in town visiting. She said that she needed a girls only night, which included a chick flick. So on Friday night we went to the movies and saw “Wimbledon“. It was a mediocre movie made worse by Kirsten Dunst’s poor acting. Okay, that’s a little harsh… but it wasn’t that great. It had a few funny Brit humor moments, but I had a really hard time believing that these two had any chemistry and that they were in a MAJOR TENNIS COMPETITION.

After the movie ended, we stood up to leave. I stepped out into the aisle and stepped down the first step out of about 8 we had to go down to get to the exits. The next step, I twisted my ankle and suddenly it seemed that the whole world went into slow motion. I honestly had a whole inner dialogue with myself:

“Your foot is slipping.”
“I know.”
“Correct it. Catch yourself.”
“I can’t.”
“You’re going to fall.”
“I know. There’s nothing I can do.”
“This isn’t going to be good.”
“I know, but again, there’s nothing I can do….”

THUD!!!

Yes, I fell. I fell and hit my butt, then my back… then my butt and my back and my butt and my back. Over and over I kept hitting these two places as I slid down about six stairs.

Even though it seemed that the whole incident took place over several minutes, it was actually just a couple seconds. Once my fall came to a halt, the entire theatre gasped and stared at me. Some of the people around me asked “Are you okay?” And of course, the only response that I could come up with was, “Shit…”

My best friend was walking down the stairs in front of me. It’s a wonder I didn’t take her out during my progression down the stairs. She turned around and helped me pick up my drink cup that I dropped during all of this. She gave me a couple seconds until I felt like I could stand up. Then we walked out of the theatre - where I paused in the hall and proceeded to lean against a wall for a couple minutes. I then managed to limp my way out to the parking lot, get into her truck so she could drive me home, limp up my front steps and collapse on the couch in my living room.

My friend got some painkillers for me and told me she had to go get her kid from a babysitter, but she would call me the next day to see how I was doing. She left, and then I was home alone. (My husband was at work.) And that’s when the tears came. I think I lay on the couch crying for about 15 minutes. Then I finally got off the couch and made my way to the bathroom to check out the damage. Just 20-25 minutes after the fall, I was already bruising. I had several bruises on my back and my legs, but the worse one was on my right butt check. At that time, it was already some strange shades of purple.

Most people, when they hear this story, they immediately say “How embarrassing! You fell in front of all those people!” But I didn’t realize I fell in front of a large audience until the next day. And even at that point I wasn’t embarrassed. I couldn’t control this and I was in too much pain to care.

I spent the weekend either laying on my left side or on my stomach and limping to go check out the damage. My entire right butt check is a horrifying shade of black. I am not an exhibitionist by any means, but I have never wanted to take a picture of my bare ass more than I do at this time. Not only do I want a picture, I want to post it on the web, because this bruise is horrible. I will refrain from actually doing this, but I just don’t think you can imagine the extent of this bruise. My husband finally told me, “I don’t want to see that bruise anymore. It’s the worst bruise I’ve ever seen and it’s disgusting. For the first time since we’ve met, I DO NOT want to see your butt.” So that should give you an idea how bad it is.

So I’ve spent the last couple days only working half days because I can’t bear to sit in my desk chair for very long. Today I am working a full eight hours and I am in so much pain at this moment I am almost sick to my stomach. I can’t drive right now because it’s too hard to get into a car. My husband has to drive me everywhere and even now I just kind of fall into the passenger seat on my left side.

My parents think I should go to a doctor. At first I thought that was silly. What would a doctor do? Look and say, “Yep, you’re banged up really good.” But now I’m wondering if maybe I should go to make sure I don’t have any damage to my spine or something. But it’s a tough decision and I hate going to the doctor’s office. So if I die of pain, you’ll know it because I won’t post ever again after this one. In lieu of flowers, please make donations to my husband because he’ll need lots of help covering funeral expenses. Thank you.

Weather Check: 59°
Song playing now: God by Tori Amos

Butt Incident 2004: 2 - 3 - 4