Resolute 2009
I haven’t made any real resolutions for 2009. I’m not sure I’m going to, but I felt like I had to post something today. Just because I needed to get some things out of my head.
I’ve been grumpy today. Depressed, sad and even experienced an attack of sudden-onset-sobbing-in-the-bathroom. I don’t know what the deal is, but this holiday season has been rather gloomy for me. Too much holiday junk food causing too many guilty feelings. Too much guilt over working vs. not-working over the holidays. Too little time with my husband (which I should really just get over and learn to deal with it because I don’t see it getting any better any time soon, he just travels too much and is heading into the busy season now). Too little time with loved ones in general and too much time focused on people that cause me stress. It’s just been a bad week.
In the most recent issue of Real Simple magazine they recommended creating a “not-to-do” list for 2009. Reader submissions included things like “I will not climb Mt. Everest” and “I will not learn Mandarin Chinese”. Those are pretty good, because then I wouldn’t ever feel like a failure! But a few of their readers submitted some things that really resonated with me and I want to save them here. If they mean nothing to you, feel free to breeze on by!
1. “I won’t worry about where I’ll be in 5 or 10 years - or really ever for that matter. Instead I’ll think about what I want to do and less about where I want to be. After all, I imagine that if I’m doing what I want to do, then I will be where I need to be.”
Annemarie from MN
I always feel like I am doing something wrong in my life planning because I have no clue what I want 5 or 10 years from now. People pose this question and always seem shocked when I can’t answer. I don’t know what I want to be doing in terms of career, family, home, etc. But since I am a notorious over-planner, it causes me anxiety to NOT have a plan. Maybe the over-planner anxiety is what causes the inability to create these types of goals. I just know I want to be happy, healthy and with my husband. And those things aren’t much of a reality if I’m stressing about every life detail. I know I have a tendency to over-analyze things on here. But believe me, it’s happening on a much greater scale inside my head and when I actually do attempt to sort out my feelings via writing, I start to feel more centered. So for now… it is perfectly acceptable that I don’t know what I’m going to be doing years from now.
2. “I’m going to stop being a ‘people pleaser.’ My goal is still to be good to people, but only to the extent that it is healthy and comfortable for me, and to realize that I can never make everyone happy. They are responsible for their own happiness, just as I am responsible for mine.”
Leisa from SC
This has been the big source of my stress this week in terms of my job. Somebody sends me an e-mail requesting something, something that should have been requested several weeks ago in order to be a timely and practical request, and instead of just continuing to enjoy my vacation day I find myself spending hours in my office taking care of this person’s request just because I don’t want them to think I’m irresponsible or lazy. In reality they are the ones not acting responsibly by waiting so long to take care of things. I spent many extra hours responding to inquiries when I should have been taking the vacation hours that I’ve earned, that I am entitled to enjoy. This pattern of overcommitting myself extends to many areas of life: work, friends, family.
3. “I refuse to let the dysfunctional people in my life cause my life to be dysfunctional. I will help as I can, but I will no longer allow their issues to control how I live.”
Janet from WV
I don’t need to or want to get into specifics on here, but there are some issues that have caused me so much stress and since I really can’t change the situation I really shouldn’t let it eat at me. I have my own dysfunctions to address and certainly don’t need to shoulder too many others.
Basically, I just want to try figuring out how to create my own happiness.
Okay, I feel a little better just expressing some ideas. There are no solutions yet, but I can breathe a little easier. Now I will go make dinner. The thought of roasting those purple potatoes that were a total impulse purchase is making me a little happier.
Happy New Year!
